through tidal wave and asteroid and bomb

i am incredibly lame. the hardest thing in the world is avoiding someone you don't want to but know you have to. i have never been a weak person but i feel i am at this moment. i woke up at 2:30pm today. i felt like an idiot but really all i do want to do is sleep these days. i'm not depressed or anything, i just feel a strong urge for avoidance, towards everything. i just want to listen to records and sleep through them, and talk to no one, especially him. i am exhausted from feeling so much. i can't even get through the new york fashion week runways. now it's sunday and i have a deadline on thursday with my days and nights booked from tonight through wednesday. who the hell knows if i'll be able to pull it off but i guess i have to. there is something wrong when i have no interest in clothes. i went out tonight wearing all black, which i don't usually do. i just want to be a cartoon who gets to wear the same outfit in every episode. i don't know what to do or say right now. i told marty i wouldn't look back anymore, but it's all i've ever done and all i can still do.