iahpouiehjwsiu

i seriously hope not many people read this shite, i can be so ridiculous sometimes. posting daily about the most mundane things, but it helps me put things into perspective and also keeps me on track while i waste away at work waiting to get out so i can deal with the more important things in my life.

going dancing tonight at la cita! not that that's an important part of my life but it's my new fave dance night. they play punk rock and reggae, which are both hilarious to dance to. i hope i don't see this guy i never called back. i hate getting picked up at bars/clubs but after a few tecates i sometimes forget it's a bad idea to give out my number. i'm just a tease anyway. i don't do anything bc i only love j, who i'm probably not going to see for at least a month bc i won't go to his shows and when i get back from vb he's going to europe. not that it's anything, i'm just obsessing. i hate that he can just do that kind of thing. i wish i could be like him.

the girls from souvenir invited me to their trunk show tomorrow! i'm super stoked, everything's going to be on sale and there's going to be champagne so hopefully i don't blow too much money. i'm sure i'll already be drunk from jess dev's bday picnic, for which i'm making spice cupcakes and parmigiano-reggiano broccoli and cauliflower bites! i totally geek out on food these days. i love picnics. i tried to find a picnic basket for the occasion but i couldn't. i always have to do everything in style, this is common knowledge.

i know i seem like i'm a big drunk but i'm not. i've severely cut down since i decided to start doing real things with my life. i have to finish 5 more scarves by tuesday to show to the girl at sirens & sailors so she can sell them! i'm very very excited. the line is called spywear and the scarves are way awesome. i wish i could make them for everyone i know, but it's a very time consuming and relatively expensive project. hopefully it becomes a success!

gotta work now. it's silly that i do virtually no work at work, but when i get home i work like a mad woman, making cupcakes, sewing, writing, anything i can do to keep my mind occupied. restless.

posi

i am soooooooo hopped up on coffee right now. this is around the time i would normally be napping at work. i just sent my sisters this long email about my life even though i'm going to see them in 2 1/2 weeks. i just love going home. it's truly a vacation for me and when i'm there i feel like there's no where else i want to be. blah blah blah.

i was thinking earlier...i don't think i ever want to have kids, but i feel like i could be such a cool mom. i'd be one of those you see walking down the street wearing prada, holding hands with a little girl in a little shiftdress, knee socks, mary janes, and a little swing coat. i'd spend my days working at some glam job, lunching, molding my children into being intelligent, cultured, and prolific human beings. i'd spend my nights attending black-tie events and whatever. i would do it all, but still manage to whip up some coq au vin for sunday dinner. i would be like a supermom...for some reason that sounds like fun to me. ever since i took on the perspective that you can have anything you want in life, i want it ALL.

i know sometimes i have a tendency to overload myself but i feel like i always pull it off somehow. i'm thinking about adopting this dog. like i have time for a dog on top of everything else. but i met this dog and just felt like it would be perfect if we were together. i have to talk to my roomie. we're gonna get high and make scarves and watch little davy jones hop around the living room.

dressed for success

my favourite thing to do now is go to work wearing the same outfit i wore when i went out the night before. sometimes i just sleep in it, wake up late, run my fingers through my hair, put on some pink lipstick and walk out the door. i feel some sort of empowerment when i do it actually, like i don't give a fuck about anything. i like this old faux leather jacket i have. i haven't worn it since last year but i put it back on again for the first time the other day and it made me feel all badass. sometimes i like feeling that way, even though most times i'm totally a lady. i wore them with these combat boots i have and i swear i felt like a different person. it's so cool how clothes can do that! i stumbled upon a little mid-drift baring tshirt at h&m for $1. i bought that shit. now i have something to wear with high-waisted things and there's a little peek-a-boo. it's really cute actually. clothes make life so much fun. i'm going to be very cold when i go back to vb in 2 1/2 weeks.

davy jones

i am super boredddd. i can't believe this. i kinda wanna go home and play with our new bunny, davy jones. named after the monkee, not the pirate. actually the person who had him before named him davis. who names a bunny davis? so, we decided to call him davy jones instead. i usually hate bunnies. they're stinky and creepy. but then we took little davy jones out of his cage and he started hopping around, just like in cartoons, and now i think i love him. and then he ate a carrot out of my hand. omg davy jones rulez.

holiday was good, ate a lot, drank a lot, danced a lot. gonna go to pehrspace tonight to see holi buffaglo. hopefully i can finish getting some more street style photos so i can start my article. taking street style photos is like a job in and of itself. even when i'm half asleep i feel like i can't pass up any opportunity to go out and find stylish people to photograph. just the other night i went to 3 places in 1 night and it was exhausting bc i was sober for most of it. then when i started having fun i totally forgot about being out to take photos. plus it's weird bc i always feel like people think i'm checking them out, which i'm not, just their clothes. i've actually been pretty picky so i don't have as many as i'd hoped to have by now, but i think it's going to just be an ongoing project.

everything in my life is a distraction. i can't stop writing and making scarves and going on steakouts and just coming up with all these projects to do to keep myself busy. i'm like thisclose to maxing out my credit card from all of the activites i've taken on. i'm ridiculous. i can't wait to go home in 3 weeks.

any day now

way the sun shone one good day
put me in a daze
like playing cards with angels
should have been a sin
why did it have to end?

steak out

i'm excited for op bro. soon. very very soon. then op christ, then op triple chin. this is going to rule. cheap coffee, khalua, pumpkin cupcakes, cute black outfits, danger, stealth.

i'm also excited for thanksgiving bc i am hosting for the first time ever in my life. i'm totally gonna drink champagne all day, starting from the moment i wake up. and i got myself a cute little shimmery apron, which serves no functional purpose at all, it will just look really lovely with my dress. i'm going to make sweet potato gnocchi, spinach mashed potatoes, garlic corn muffins, and roasted butternut squash. oh yes.

hunger!!

ok. i really really love famima. i mean, it's making me think of food nonstop. it's crazy. a convenience store that carries everything i could possibly want! in fact, i am so preoccupied with thoughts of food right now i'm going to list everything i want to eat from famima:

-spicy tuna onigiri
-tiger roll
-chicken korma
-chicken and mozzarella on foccacia
-teriyaki salmon
-curry chicken sandwich
-pocky
-every japanese snack known to man
-miso soup
-chicken and mushroom steamy bun
-real crab california roll
-cream cheese croissant
-roasted garlic and tomato soup
-curry fried bread
-tomato mozzarella panini
-whole lotta banana (banana coated in chocolate, covered with whipped cream, drizzled in chocolate shavings and wrapped in a delectable pancake)

oh god, just everything ok? i want all of it. looks like i have lunch plans everyday for the next month. this is ridiculous!

omg

holy fuck. on sunday i have to interview the girls who do the clothing line souvenir. one of them is jason schwartzman's girlfriend. aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! i'm freaking terrified.

good

i'm so freaking bored at work right now. i'm starting to get down on love again, obviously, so all i want to think about is the awesome stuff going on in my life. my la2day writing gig has been amazing. my editor loves my work and told me i'm a great find. also, my next piece is about this underground boutique and the owner gave me a free dress when i interviewed her! she was so sweet. and she invited me to her fashion show/party. i think grant krajecki from grey ant might be there bc they're friends. i hope i meet some cool fashion people. i'm also currently working on a street style editorial which should be up around december. i've been really selective of who i photograph bc i really want this to reflect my own personal taste and i don't want to get people who look too cliche.

i'm going home for christmas and i'll be there for 2 weeks. it's going to be amazing because my whole family will be there! it'll be the first christmas with everyone together in years, and it will be my first with the 2 little ones. i just can't wait. i love love LA but sometimes it's just so cool to be able to go down to cogan's or stay up all night at the marcelos' house, or just hang out with old friends at old places. when i get back i'm either going to cut my hours at work or quit. i only want to do meaningful things with my life now. i know that means i'll be broke and barneys will be but a distant memory but i don't even care. it just makes my life feel so full to be creative and actually follow all the inspiration i have here.

my roommate is going to be doing a couple of movies, one of them possibly with jason schwartzman! so i think she will let me mooch off of her for a while. i'm so lucky to have her in my life. we are seriously each others' support system. she is the one i love right now. i'm so glad we're past letting stupid boys get in the way of everything else more important. i can't believe how sweet she is, and talented...she inspires me so much! i have had such fun styling her lately too. she's always been bit of a tomboy so i got the idea that i should do an annie hall/katherine hepburn look for her and she loves it! it's something she can really feel comfortable with and so it's easier now for her to style herself. it makes me so proud. she pulls pieces from my closet and puts them together in ways i never really thought of. i even photographed her for my editorial the other night.

in other fun news, i'm going to disneyland! i haven't been there since i was a kid. my roommate and i have been wanting to go so badly and our dream is finally coming true. also, i'm planning on going to france and/or italy in feb or march. i just want to live my life that way. follow my whims, you know? there is an article in i-d about this band here called no age. in the article one of the guys talks about how he listens to a song over and over, sometimes just to hear that one great part. and he just wants to live in that moment over and over. and so they decided when they made their record that it would only be those great parts. and he says you should live life that way too...just cut out all the bullshit and just have the good parts. that's what i'm going to do.

why why why

j got a haircut and looks cuter than ever. i started having heart palpitations when i saw him. i don't know how he does it. this has been lingering for so long with no sign of an end. my friend told me i could have the third cutest boy in LA if i wanted but he is too closely linked to j. i made a rule not to date in that circle. but it's a giant circle with many good prospects that will go undiscovered. i feel totally gay writing about this but i have to or else i will text him and not get a response and feel totally shitty that i even bothered. i thought about texting him how i feel in french. he could always look it up but i know he wouldn't because that's the way he is. i always wonder what he's thinking. i hope he thinks about me sometimes. he must. especially since i look completely adorable everytime i see him. and i laugh and smile and say cute things to people when i know he's looking my way. he must think i'm so done with him. i'm so not.

in spite of all this i am so so happy today. life is moving so fast and i really feel alive.

no scrubs

i am bored with people being so obsessed with being in a couple. everywhere i go, everywhere i look...people are talking about couple outings, or are on a couple outing, or talking about their significant other, and blah blah. i thought back to when i first told my boss i wanted to move to LA. the first thing she asked me was "what about your boyfriend?" what ABOUT him? this is about ME. i'm truly over it. some guy asked my friend the other night if i was single. i told him "i'm single, but i'm not looking." i really am not. i can't stand the sight of men actually and i don't want to be picked up. i don't want to date anyone. i just want to be happy being alone and not have people judge me or pity me or pressure me into getting into a relationship. i like waking up at whatever time i want, taking as long as i want to get ready, fulfilling a whim at any time of day, coming home when i'm ready to come home, making plans without having to check with someone first. if i want to go to paris next month then i'm gonna go to paris. i'm not being cynical, i'm just being honest. i have never been the type of person who needs a man. of course it's nice to have one, but i just cannot fathom being so consumed by someone that it completely swallows who you are. maybe it's because i've never felt that before, but it sounds so absurd to me. every now and then i get brainwashed and start to think maybe life is supposed to have a man in it at all times, which is so disappointing to me. i'm going to fight that feeling with everything i have. i've been extremely selective of who i will let in and it's going to stay that way. if my life is going to have a man in it, he is going to be nothing short of brilliant, handsome, creative, and industrious.